Listened to Mark Lamb's sermon on Ephesians 5 — "Two Become One." It blew me away.
The sermon laid it out clearly. Wives submit. Husbands die to self. That dying-to-self piece is something that came to me a while back on my own, and hearing Mark preach it confirmed it.
I'm not arguing with Deanna and correcting her for my own selfishness. I'm correcting her because we have work to do. We have a purpose. There's a mission in front of us and I need her walking with me, not against me.
While I was listening, something clicked. The reason I'm hard on Deanna is because I'm also hard on myself. I think I'm hard on everyone internally. I hold a high standard and I apply it across the board — to myself first, then to the people around me. It's not targeted at her. It's how I'm wired.
I'm also endlessly forgiving internally. I don't think I communicate that well. There's a block. I feel bad attitude and resentment from Deanna and I can't get past it if she's not repenting of that and asking for forgiveness. I eternally forgive her even if she never repents — that's settled. But if she doesn't get better at the bad attitude stuff, we will struggle. The forgiveness is real. The barrier to moving forward together is the unrepented pattern.